Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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