we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize