from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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