If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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