My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
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Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i think i just lost a toe
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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