You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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