hotel room ftw
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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