dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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