I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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