you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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