apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize