3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
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those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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