Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize