My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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