She is in my trunk
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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