I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I would fuck him just for his dog
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