Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize