Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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