I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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