..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Come on in and take your pants off
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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