I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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