After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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