wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
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I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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