I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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