he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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