____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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