I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize