I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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