there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
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There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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