have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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