I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize