it hurts more in the daytime
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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