yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
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Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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