It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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