I just threw up on my dentist
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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