I could make wine with my vomit
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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