the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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