mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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