OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize