Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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