I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
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We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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