A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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