We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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