marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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