One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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