Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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