hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize