come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize