I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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