My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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