This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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